just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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