Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I AM VODKA MAN
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
