guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
