you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
