Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
