The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
