and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
