Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
