My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She even gives head with a lisp.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
