Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
