can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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