Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
