the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
