My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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