i just wanna soil my oats bro
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
