He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
