You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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