I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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