Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh god it's open bar.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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