remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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