very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
