Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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