For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
