dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's get the cat blown out
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
