I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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