Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
