I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
