i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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