Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
