so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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