Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
