A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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