time to smoke my breakfast
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
