It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
