you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
