I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
