I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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