she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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