In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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