it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
