After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
