Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
