you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
