I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
