you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
