Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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