I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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