She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
