i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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