The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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