When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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