Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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