Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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