i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
