Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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