I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
