i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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