Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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