he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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