No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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