I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
