Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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