I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
