feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We are all done wearing pants today
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
